How to Deal with Difficult Customers

This post is aimed mainly at [tag]female bartenders[/tag], as I don’t think males are treated in quite the same way as us when working behind a bar, however a male could also find it useful.
If you are a female who has been in the [tag]pub trade[/tag] for any amount of time, the following scenario will be familiar to you. It is the graveyard shift- maybe the middle of the afternoon and you are working alone. There are only two other customers in the bar, the door opens and a dishevelled bloke falls through it. He is quite drunk or even worse has been on something else- and it shows.
Now you put down the copy of Heat that you were really enjoying, and the realisation hits you- you are going to get shit if you serve him, and you are going to get shit if you don’t.


difficult customers       

If this pair come in - Just Run

At this point if the other two customers are a couple they will probably drink up and leave (Yeah, cheers mate) or if they are of the ’stronger sex’ will likely look on with amusement. As I said this post is aimed at females, and they want to see how you will handle yourself against this prime example of being off your face.
If you are extraordinarily lucky, at that point your brother will walk through the door who just happens to be a black belt, and an off-duty policeman to boot. If you are like most of us, born with a plastic spoon in your gob- that won’t happen.
So what to do? The best thing to do in this situation is to lie.
The conversation is very likely to go something like this:
Mr. Off his Face: What ur doin over there? Get over ‘ere and bring me a beer!
You: I am so sorry, but I can’t serve you. 
Mr. Off his Face: Wotya mean you cant f****** serve me? You a cripple? GIVE ME A BEER!
You: (Moving closer to him) Look, I would really like to serve you, but yesterday my boss told me if I were to serve anymore clients who had had a few drinks he would fire me. He will be back in five minutes.
Mr. Off his Face: You sayin I’m a drunk?
You: Absolutely not! But neither was the customer yesterday- it was my Auntie Barbara actually- OK, she’d had a few, but no more than usual.”

(Now move closer) “Between you and me, my boss is an arsehole. But he pays well, and I’ve got twin boys at home.”
(At this moment walk round to the other side of the bar, and touch his arm slightly, then walk towards the door as you continue “My auntie went onto a really cool pub just down the road called The Drunken Screw- (or name the pub down the road, don’t worry, they would do the same to you) she had an amazing time- infact she is in there now, tell her I sent you, she had a bit of a win at the bingo, and will likely even buy you a few shots…”

These should be your parting words, before closing the door firmly on his drunken ass and getting back to Heat.
This also works if your unwanted client knows you are the boss, simply lie even further, and blame the brewery manager, your boyfriend, local police or your mum. It doesn’t matter really.



4 Responses to “How to Deal with Difficult Customers”

  1. Brennan Kingsland Says:

    Years ago I worked as first a cockail waitress, then a bartender. I’ve always said every woman should work a short time as one or the other - just long enough to realize that she’s beautiful (to drunken men, at least). But if she stays at it too long, she’ll get a VERY NEGATIVE attitude towards men (and especially, drunk women, who are the worst!)

    I thought your solution was very inventive. I personally prefer dropping a tray of drinks on them, then saying innocently, “Oh, I’m sorry, but you startled me when you . . .
    (whatever they did). Now you can see why I’m no longer working in the field. Brennan

  2. Debbie Says:

    LOL, I agree, working in the bar trade can make you very jaded towards the human race in general. I know people who I find perfectly OK when I am outside the bar, but when on the inside they seem to turn into nasty little devils. (I think it is something to do with not being able to walk away from them)

  3. Jackie Says:

    I wish my husband wouldn’t hang around bars with this woman.
    She’s a bad influence on him and as you say Debbie people are perfectly OK when not in the bars. These two are very good examples !!!

  4. maggie estrella Says:

    Look fine to me !

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