5 Questions a Tourist Should Not Ask an Expat Bartender

Way back in the 1950s, Spain’s main holiday resorts were nothing more than small fishing villages.  
, , and many more were home to simple fishing families who would scrape together a meagre living from the sea and the land.

Even though times were hard, I imagine they were also very happy without the stresses of modern day life. All this was to change in the 1950s when the first intrepid travellers, known as ‘’ became daring and ventured to strange and distant lands.

The first to hit was a well-to-do English lady named Mrs. Rossell. This lady fascinated the Lloret people, as she wore smart clothes, the likes of which they had never seen before (after all, most of them were shoeless) and she arrived in a motorcar.

During the seventies Lloret and other Spanish tourist hot spots were over run with young British people searching for sun, sea and most of all , , and anything else they could get down their necks. They arrived at Easter time, and left six months later rather the worse for wear. The majority of the British ‘workers’ and ‘dossers’ as they were known, spent a number of summer seasons in their chosen Spanish towns before going back home to either settle down and have kids or dry out.
It is no longer fashionable for young British people to seek - we have been replaced by Poles, Czechs, and Russians. The Poles and Czechs have taken over our roles as workers, and the Russians have become dossers. 

However, there are a number of us left over from the good old days, and when a British tourist discovers us working in a bar we are always asked the same favourite five questions.

Top Preferred Questions for the British Tourist to ask the Expat Bartender 

“Do you live here?”

Now, when someone asks me this, I have a strong desire to say “No- when I finish here at 3am, I drive to the airport, wait an hour, jump on a plane to , commute for an hour at the other end, then turn round and come back to be here for the start of my shift at 6 pm.” 

What I actually do say is simply a boring ‘Yes’.

This is always followed by: “How long have you been here?” 

Having established that I live here, he has to ask how long I have been here. Ok, that in itself is not too bad, so this question gets a reasonable reply, which, let’s say for example the answer is 18 years. Now comes the really silly bit. 

“Do you like it?” 

Now really. If the bar person did not like an adopted town, would they spend 18 years of their lives there?  
A desired response to this one is “No, because I have to listen to and answer stupid questions from tourists like you.” 

The actual common response is, “Yes, most of the time”. 
Then they begin to get down to the nitty gritty.

“I suppose you married a Spaniard?”

Why the hell do they suppose that?  Although I know some Brits who are married to Spaniards, the vast majority are not married to anyone - is marrying a local a requisite to stay in a country?   

I think if I were to go into an Italian restaurant in England and say to the Italian waiter “I suppose you married an Englishwoman?” He would certainly wonder why. 

Willie Seven Seas
This barman has had enough


Then it gets steadily worse. 

“Do you like the food?”

Well, I am a vegetarian, and fruit, salad, nuts and beans are quite similar the entire world over, but given that he does not know I am a vegetarian, what difference is there in the food?  
Lloret consists of Burger Bars, Pizzerias, pubs selling pub grub and Doner Kebab outlets.  The supermarkets stock foods every European recognises.  
If we were in Korea I would think that a reasonable question. 
But in Lloret or Benidorm? No. 

At this stage in the process, the poor is praying that a really really man or lady attempts to enter the bar and falls through the door breaking all the glasses on the nearest table. This would give them an ideal excuse to escape their fellow countryman’s inquisition. 

Of course the drunk never appears when you want him (that is saved for the end of the night when you have really had enough and are about to leave) so then comes the final respectful question. 

“How much do you earn?” 
I rest my case. 
Note to the British tourist: This article is tongue-in-cheek- Please do continue to ask us these very innovative questions as working in a bar in Spain would not be the same without them.



2 Responses to “5 Questions a Tourist Should Not Ask an Expat Bartender”

  1. Carroline Says:

    LOL, spot on, reminds me of when I was working in Benidorm- funny though, other nationalities dont seem to do it.

  2. maggie estrella Says:

    No 6 - Do you drink the water ?
    great site takes me back to 80s lloret !

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